Promoted to Glory
by JA Baker
Summary: Xander doesn’t know how or why he’s there, he just knows that it’s a job...
1. Promoted to Glory

_Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all associated characters were created by Joss Whedon and are owned by Mutant Enemy.  
__The Discworld and all associated characters were created and are owned by Terry Pratchett OBE._

_Spoilers: Discworld up to and including "Thud" and set 10 to 15 years or so after that. Buffy and __Angel to the very end._

**Promoted to Glory **

The seat was hard and covered in splinters. Xander was sure that it had been designed to make whoever was sitting on it as uncomfortable as possible the moment they sat down. Bet he'd sat there enough times to have grown almost immune to the discomfort.

Life had certainly thrown him a curve ball...

It had all started with a phone call: Buffy had been almost hysterical after learning not only that Spike was somehow alive and working with Angel in LA, but that the entire Fang-Gang had some insane plan to take the fight to the Senior Partners. They knew that it would be a suicide mission, but they seemed to have lost the will to keep going as they were.

More flights than he could remember, and Xander ad found himself in Cleveland, along with the other surviving Scooby and as many of the Slayers who could be scrounged up on such short notice. Buffy had given some semi-inspirational speech about how important what they were about to do was, but Xander tuned out: this was about her going to rescue her ex-boyfriends, pure and simple.

Willow had worked her mojo and teleported them all to an empty warehouse just two blocks from the Hyperion Hotel. They could hear the fighting from even there. Willow had made their presence felt by taking down the dragon with a well-aimed spell. The following battle had been short and brutal, with casualties on both sides. Slayer's who'd come out of Sunnydale in one piece fell in a fight that wasn't theirs.

Xander saw Kennedy fall: the demons sword run clean through her. You didn't need to be a doctor to know that she was dead before she hit the ground, Slayer healing or not.

Willow, lost it: the white robe she wore turned grey, along with her hair and eyes. She started cursing in some long-dead language, frying demons with magical fireballs. In a heartbeat, she turned the tide of battle, slaughtering the Circle of the Black Thorn's entire army one by one. The dragon attempted to strike back, but Willow reached deep down inside an unleashed the most powerful spell she could.

Xander had been standing across the street when it happened, but he'd been caught in the backlash. All he remembered was something that looked like a bolt of lightning snaking towards him, then darkness.

He woke up in the middle of a high-vaulted room under a large glass dome, a rather surprised looking Orang-utan standing over him. Two days and a lot of time being poked and prodded by a seemingly endless line of Wizards, he was declared harmless and released from the magical bonds that they had placed him in. they then apologized and proceeded to explain everything.

Then he had to ask them to explain it all again: finding himself on a flat world that flew through space on the back of four elephants that in turn stood on the shell of a giant turtle was almost too much for him to take.

Then life had kind of settled down: the Wizards had promised to try and find a safe way to send him home, while he set out to explore the city of Ankh-Morpork. Two days later, he woke up again, devoid of the money the Wizards and with a rather large bump on his head and a recite from the Thieves Guild for one 'mugging-with-assault'.

Thus he first came into contact with the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.

He hadn't intended to join; he was still intent on getting back to his own dimension and finding out what had happened to the others. But he needed something to do, and the pay was good...

Trolls, Dwarfs and Werewolves held not fear for someone who'd grown up on an active Hellmouth. The Zombie, Golem and Vampire had taken a little longer, but he'd gotten used to them. He got used to almost everything over time: within a year he didn't even miss TV or the Internet. Another year and he was able to talk about the friends he'd left behind.

The only think he never got over was an all-consuming craving for Twinkies.

Time past quickly, and he moved into a small apartment near Pseudopolis Yard, which he mainly used as a place to sleep and keep his clean cloths. He also met Emma, a young lady who worked as a maid at the Patricians Palace. Their relationship had started slow, but it blossomed into love, and they were married shortly before me made Sergeant.

Gilles Jesse Harris was born less than a year later. The twin, Willow Dawn and Anne Joyce Harris (Emma vetoed Buffy), followed two years later.

Life became a comfortable routine of patrolling, paperwork and time with his family. He enjoyed it: the close comradeship of the Watch reminded him of the early days of the Scooby's. He got a little upset when he thought about them, and Emma tried to get him to talk about his past. But how could he explain a world so radically different to the one he now lived in?

Everything changed when Old Stoneface finally retired due to increasing bad health. As everyone expected, The Old Man was promoted to take his place as Commander, but Xander was surprised when he was one of two Sergeants promoted to Captain and given command of the Day Watch.

After some turmoil, life fell into a new, slightly more hectic routine. Xander was surprised to find that he fitted into his new position like a pea in a pod. All his years in Sunnydale and beyond had given him a set of reflexes and intuition that bordered on precognitive. He gained a reputation for knowing just when and where something was going to happen, and for making sure that as many of those under his command as possible came back alive.

Life seemed to be progressing nicely, until the day came that many had dreaded for a long time: The Patrician, Lord Havelock Vetinari, died, in his sleep, of old age.

The first thing Xander did was get Emma and the kids out of the city: nature abhors a vacuum and the power struggle that was inevitable would be enough to rip the city apart. Every member of the watch and the Citizen's Militia was called into their respective Watch Houses and issued with full riot kit. The city had been unusually quiet, as if everyone was waiting to see what happened next.

The Assassins Guild was first, followed closely by the others. One by one, their leaders converged on Pseudopolis Yard like iron filing to a magnet. They all wanted the same thing, and none of them was taking no for an answer. Not this time.

And that was how he found himself sitting outside the Oblong Office; helmet in hand and dressed in full uniform, shortly before the crack of dawn.

"Captain Harris?" one of the seemingly unlimited number of clerks who ran the Patrician's Palace, appeared in the doorway, "He'll see you now."

Straightening himself out, Xander marched into the office and came sharply to attention.

"Sir!" He saluted the man standing by the window, looking out across the city.

"At ease, Alexander." The man nodded.

"Sir." Xander relaxed slightly. Only two people ever used his full name: Emma when she was angry with him, and the Old Man.

"Has word gotten out yet?"

"Yes, sir: the Times are printing a special edition at the moment. It should be out within the hour."

"Did you tell them to remind everyone that I am taking over as Patrician, nothing else?"

"Sir?"

"I have been asked to assume the position of Patrician, nothing more. And although it is not something I would have wanted for myself, it appears that I have no choice."

"Sometimes, all we can do is make the best of what fate hands us, sir."

"Indeed. I hear that Emma and the children have gone to Sto Lat?"

"Visiting her sister, sir. He works in the Post Office there."

"I can understand you wanting them out of the city: I would have sent Angua and the children away, but she would never have gone."

"She's an officer of the Watch, sir: her duty is here."

"And it is through duty that I must stand down as Commander of the Watch: it would not be right for me to maintain that position and act as Patrician." The Old Man sighed, "Thus we nee to a new Commander, and a new Captain. Who would you sagest for the Captaincy?"

"M first thought would be Detritus, sir: aside for Angua and yourself, he is the longest serving member of the Watch. Truth be told, I was a little surprised when I was promoted over him."

"Detritus has the experience, but he is best employed as head of the Watch's training academy."

"Well, Sergeant Littlebottom is long overdue a promotion. We could maybe make up Corporals Shoe or Igor to take her place as head of forensic alchemist..."

"Yes, I think Cheri will make a good Captain. The Day Watch will be in good hands with her in charge."

"The Day Watch, sir?"

"Yes: I'm promoting you to Commander..."

"But surly Angua is more qualified..."

"Technically, yes. But how would it look if my first act as Patrician was to make my wife the head of the City Watch? And, I do not think the city is ready to have a woman as chief of police."

"The watch would follow any order she gave." Xander's voice dipped to a whisper, "_I'm not even from around here..._"

It wasn't necessary to say anything more: the number of people outside of Unseen University who knew the truth about where he was from could be counted on the fingers of one hand, and the Old Man was one of them. Xander had always said that he was from a small town in Fourecks called Sunnydale if anyone else asked, and most people believed him. Even the government in Bugarup didn't know the name and location of every town and village on the continent.

"I was born in the Ramtop Mountains and raised in a Dwarf mine." The Old Man countered, "Angua, Cheri, Detritus and Igor are all from Uberwald."

"Yeah, but still: me, Commander of the Watch?" Xander shook his head, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"That is exactly when I need you to take the job: you're one of the few people who will not do as I say just because I'm the one asking. There's going to be too much of that as it is. I need someone who will keep me in check."

"It sounds like you want your very own Suffer-Not-Injustice Vimes. Maybe you should ask young Sam; he's almost completed his training."

"I will ask one more time, and if you say no, I will appoint Angua. Will you take the position of Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch?"

"...Yes sir." Xander nodded, "But we'll probably both live to regret it."

"I am sure we will." The Old Man nodded, "Good luck, Sir Alexander."

It was all Xander could do to salute and march out of the room without passing out. He'd never expected to get past sergeant when he'd first joined; the prospect of being Commander made his head spin. He had been in Ankh-Morpork for over ten local years, but he had no idea what that translated to in his home dimension. Still, the desire to go back was slowly fading.

"Congratulations, sir." A friendly voice came from the other side of the room, and Xander looked up to see a blond woman dressed in a Watch uniform.

"Angua." Xander nodded. Unlike many other members of the Watch, he had no problem being around a werewolf, and had even stopped the silver cross he'd bought himself he day after he found out just what his hometown was like. This had quickly won him her friendship, "Does everyone else know?"

"No, but I'm sure they suspect."

"With all due respect, for someone who is so likable and nice all the time, your husband can be an utter bastard at times!"

"True." Angua laughed, "So, Commander Harris; what are your first orders?"

"I want word sent round to the usual suspects that I'm going to be an even bigger bastard than our new Patrician or old Stoneface ever were. Anyone who steps out of line will get stopped on, by Detritus!"

"I'm sure they'll get the message." Angua turned to leave, "Oh, by the way, I hear that the mail coach from Sto Lat is due back any time now, and I have a feeling that a certain lady will be on it."

"That's Emma: always doing what she thinks is best, no matter what I say." Xander smiled, "That's what first attracted me to her. Oh well, time to prod-buttock, Captain."

"Sir." Angua saluted and headed off down the corridor.

"Ah, Commander!" A new, older voice came from the other direction, and Xander turned to see a delegation of senior wizards make their way towards him like a procession of tastelessly decorated Mardi Gras floats, "I was hoping to see you."

"Archchanserler Stibbons." Xander nodded, "I see that you are, as ever, well informed."

"It helps." The Wizard nodded, "We're just going to see the new Patrician, but I thought I'd let you know that we've found a way to send you back to your home dimension."

"Thank you, Archchanserler." Xander smiled as he headed down the corridor after Angua, "But I am home..."

**The End**


	2. Retrospect 1: Destination Unknown

_Ok, I'll admit that I left so many plot holes in the last chapter it looked like Detritus had been using it for target practise. So I am going to attempt to fill a few of them as best I can with four or five shorter segments covering important points in his life only mentioned in passing._

**Promoted to Glory  
****Retrospect 1: Destination Unknown**

Xander's head hurt. In fact, it felt like the Marine Corps band was marching up and down in his skull playing _Hail to the Chief_ with 21-gun salute during an earthquake that struck in the middle of a hurricane. It felt worse than when he'd been Hyena-boy.

In short, it hurt a lot.

He slowly opened his eyes, and found himself looking up at a large glass dome under clear blue skies. All in all, considering where he could have ended up, it didn't seem too bad at first glance. But if his life had taught Xander anything, it was to never trust first impressions.

"Ook?" a deep and excited voice came from one side, and Xander looked round to find himself face-to-face with a confused looking orang-utan, "Ook!"

"I'm sorry; I didn't realize." Xander sat up and pulled a battered looking book out from under his head, "My apologies." He looked at the ape, "Did I just understand what you just said?"

"Ook."

"Really?"

"Ook."

"Extraordinary. And they still don't know how to turn you back?"

"Eek!"

"Oh, you don't want to be turned back."

"Ook."

"Ok." Xander nodded, decided to ignore for the moment that he could suddenly understand an orang-utan that claimed to be a Librarian, "Where am I?"

"Ook, Ook, Eek, Ook."

"I can't believe I'm going to say this..." Xander sighed, "Take me to your leader?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Xander was amazed to find that spells could chafe, but the ones holding him to an otherwise ordinary chair were starting to hurt his wrists and ankles. He looked around the room at the assembled faculty of Unseen University and tried to find a sympathetic face but found none.

He could understand their reaction; he would have been the same in similar circumstances. But it was still taking for ever for them to come to any agreement as to what he was and what to do with him.

"I'm terribly sorry." The youngest of the wizards, who looked something like an older version of Harry Potter, sat down on a stool opposite Xander's chair, "It takes them a while to get to grips with any new idea."

"I've been is worse situations." Xander shrugged, "Alexander Harris; people call me Xander."

"Ponder Stibbons, Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic." The Wizzard smiled, "So, what can you tell me about the world you're from?"

"My world?" Xander took a deep breath, "Well..."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"We apologies for the inconvenience," Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully patted Xander on the back so hard he almost sent his spine flying out though his lungs, "but, well, the sort of thing that normally appears in the middle of the library tends to have more teeth than a river full of crocodiles and a temperament to match."

"I understand." Xander dodged another pat on the back, unsure that he'd be able to survive it, "Trust me; I've seen the sort of things you're talking about."

"Well, now we've got it all sorted out, I'm going to have young Stibbons look into getting you back to your home dimension." Ridcully did his best to sound reassuring, "Or at least let your friends know that you're ok."

"Thank you." Xander nodded as they passed though the main gates and into the city beyond, "Are you sure it's ok for me to stay at the University until this is all sorted out?"

"My dear boy, it isn't every day that we have guest literally drop in on us." Ridcully laughed, "And after the way we've treated you the past couple of days, it would be the high of bad taste to just through you out onto the street."

"Right, thanks." Xander nodded, "Suppose I'd better have a little look round if I'm going to be staying here for the time being."

"Enjoy your walk." The Archchancellor smiled, "And if there's any trouble, just say that you're staying here."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Excuse me, sir?" A short, wisely man stepped out of an alleyway in front of Xander and flash a badge, "Thieves Guild: this is an official mugging."

"Thieves Guild?" Xander blinked, "Look, I'm staying at..."

He hadn't noticed the other man behind him with the cosh until it was too late, and the world went black.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Eek!"

"Ouch!" Xander hissed as he slowly regained his senses, "Keep it down will you."

"Ook." The Librarian said apologetically.

"That's ok." Xander tentatively raised a hand to his head and found it bandaged, "What the hell happened?"

"Ook, Ook Ook Ook, Eek." The orang-utan explained, holding up a piece of paper, "Ook."

"There's a Thieves Guild to regulate crime?" Xander looked at him blankly, "What about the police?"

"OOK!" The Librarian held up a small copper badge on a length of string that he was wearing around his neck, "Ook eek."

"Can I complain?" Xander asked as he slowly sat up, his head still throbbing.

"Ook." The Librarian nodded.

"City Watch? Right. Can you take me there? I just don't want to risk a repeat performance of my last walk."

"oak."

"Thank you."

**To Be Continued...**


End file.
